how to make your oven a freezer

Well it has almost been a week since the bear-a-thon. The t-shirts were a stunning shade of yellow-my fave! It was quite the run but not as bad as I thought it would be and I came in first for ladies in the 5k in 28mins. YES! Nothing, however, compares to the day after when Ben and I came in second at the canoe races and won 500$,  which went towards delicious groceries. It's wild, because food is so expensive up here we order it from yellowknife and they fly it up here. I tried to get them to send us some ice cream but still no luck. Probably because it's so bloody hot. Our trailer feels like an oven on broil, you know, where you have to open the door and check on whats inside every few seconds to make sure not to burn the crap out of whats inside. The other night it hit an all time high so I rushed out the next day and bought mass amounts of tin foil and tin foiled the heck out of all our windows. So far so good, so I'm hoping this works. Also thanks to Ben's handy work we now have windows that open so we will no longer suffocate to death! There was a town dance the other night which sounded like it could be quite the wild time but unfortunately while trying to make it there we got so eaten by mosquitoes we had to run home. This is actually quite funny if you picture us the night of the bear-a-thon having ALREADY run 5k and now running another long distance race in order to get home before we were consumed by the dreaded stinging flies. Let's just say my legs have never looked better. Worse than mosquitoes are those dreaded pincer bugs, which are huge if I may say so. Here I was dreading no cellphones and city life when I should have been preparing myself for the mammoth pincer flies. I must say everyday I find more and more that I like about this place, waterfalls, incredible hikes, a nice lake, and people you know everywhere. Although there are definitely some things I miss like crazy from home, ice cream being pretty high up there. Question of the decade, who would win: a mama grizzly or a scavenging polar bear? Still here, until next time.

see you at the finish line julia childs

  So here I am, inside on a day off from work hiding from what looks to be a large storm, watching Julia Childs cook everything with butter and out-cook all the top male chefs while her husband stands firmly at her side, how lovely. It’s been a while since I’ve last blogged and it feels like so much has happened yet nothing at all.

  Firstly and most importantly I have seen my first bear and it was HUGE. To make matter worse I had a stroller full of adorable babies and I couldn’t help but think that the bear must think I’m tempting him with cute bait. I hope this is my final encounter with northern bears as they are massive and vicious and remind me of being attacked by a bear in British Columbia, trust me once is enough. 

  This Saturday is the Bear-a-thon Marathon and tonight I go to pick up my t-shirt and my racing number. I cannot wait to be in possession of my very own bear-a-thon shirt, I vow to wear it on the plane home! Also fast approaching is Aboriginal Day. It’s next Tuesday, but they have a lot of events going on this weekend. I don’t really know what Aboriginal Day entails but I hope it’s a blast. 

  Ben was sick last week and I made Matzah Ball soup from the Matzah Mix my grandma sent up with me, I’m willing to bet I’m the only living Jew in Norman Wells let alone the only person who knew what a Matzah Ball was, however, Ben is better now so I stand by what I say when I say that it cures everything. 

  We've started Baseball season and so far our team is about as good as Luongo when they play in Boston but I’m sensing we’ll improve quickly and hopefully win seeing as I’m a huge fan of winning, just like Charlie Sheen. 

  I think I’ve fully adapted to this whole northern remote town way of living and I find myself falling into a deeper and deeper love affair with small towns, I feel like I’m cheating on Toronto but something tells me my absence from Toronto will only make my heart grow fonder. 

  I've been wondering what polar bears do in the summer? They must get very dirty, although I suppose that would allow them to confuse prey and pounce that much more efficiently. Alright, out of fear of being electrocuted from this storm I’m off. Hopefully the rain will wash those polar bears clean.

the hunt for the bear-a-sauras goes on

I am faced with what i think any amateur faces when blogging... there’s way too much to write about when you don’t keep up to date and i often procrastinate. To keep things simple i’ve decided to make use of my favourite skill...organization. brace yourself.

The River Breaks:

When the ice on the Mackenzie River cracks the ice shifts and the chunks of ice move on top of one another or push each other together to form mini icebergs. This is possibly the coolest thing I have seen since I first saw the mountains out West. The ice is still so thick and is frozen in a chandelier type formation. Okay this is really tricky to explain but let’s just say it would make a sweet postcard. There are so many of these icebergs that are slowly being pushed out of the way so that the water can move through. The Titanic surely would have no hope at this time of year.

May Queen:

It’s a tradition in Norman Wells that every year in May the firefighter’s association holds an event called May Queen in which all the new men in town have to dress up as women and compete in a little competition to see who is the best woman.  I have to say it was almost as fun getting the new guys ready then it was watching them perform. Ben let me paint his nails and some went as far as shaving (obviously they didn’t think about how unfortunate it’s going to be when their hair grows back worse than ever) There must have been 50 men in the sassiest outfits I have ever seen, it was absolutely wild. I couldn’t help thinking about how this would NEVER happen in Toronto, cross dressing yes, but not like this.

Epic Hikes:

We have so far been on three epic hikes. The first Ben and I went on alone and involved a romantic date in the dump as well as a failed attempt to make it to the lake due to mass amounts of snow. Then the snow melted and we went up to jackfish lake and went on the second hike along the edge of this crazy cliff, gorgeous. It made me want to pack a bag of necessities and run away into the wilderness and live off the land, then i got hungry and quickly changed my mind, apparently living off the land doesn’t include macaroni. The third hike involved mass amounts of bear poop and so much swamp water it flowed over my rubber boots so that i was literally walking knee deep in swamp, delicious. I believe if i keep hiking i’ll either find gold which will commence the second gold rush or i’ll end up face to face with a bear, please note that i would prefer the gold rush.

Along with all this I’ve been working at the daycare which has been wild. Nothing like bugger filled adorable babies to set a smile on your face. It’s this fad for babies to wear intense sun blocking sun glasses up here as the sun is super strong but every time i put them on their faces i can’t help but laugh. I call my group “the cool dudes” i’m sure they’d appreciate the nickname if they could talk, i'll have to take the burps and dirty diapers as a sign of affection instead. Also it is bear season and I’m trying to decide which to purchase, bear mace or a shot gun, please provide your opinion as this is a difficult decision. On the one hand, police hold mace so that might be kind of cool, plus there’s less chance i’ll accidently injure someone. On the other hand a shot gun definitely looks more intense but i don’t know how to use one and so the chance that someone else would accidently end up in an insane amount of pain is probably rather high. Yours to contemplate while i continue my days polar bear-less.

china, james brown, and the cops

May and still cold. Will the winter ever end? Went out to the chinese restaurant (yes they have one of those here) and had an actually decent chinese meal. okay it wasn't like toronto chinese but it was still pretty good, i've realized you have to lower your standards a bit. one must accept that the bruised apples aren't that bad and that 2 degrees is the new 10. after our chinese meal i thought it would be brilliant to entice Ben into a romantic walk down to the pier followed by walking home along the snow covered beach.... boy was i wrong. i mean the pier is still my favorite place as it has a wicked view but the beach walk was definitely not as 'sweet' as i thought it would be. It took me a while to convince Ben that the snow on the beach wasn't extremely deep and so naturally the second we both made it onto the beach we sunk up to our shoulders in snow and had to find a way to shimmy out of it and lie flat on the snow spreading out our body weight in hopes of staying afloat. finally edging our way to the end of the beach we then had to trek through the forest that divides the beach from the main road while being constantly terrified of the hibernating bears possibly (let's be honest, probably is more appropriate than possibly) sleeping below us. by the time we reached the road we were soaked from the waist down and completely covered in mud. oh the north. on monday night we went to soccer. i was the only girl (this happens often here in the wells, let's just say it's a man's world- but it wouldn't be nothin' without a woman or a girl). anyways we played four on four and feeling the need to compete with the aggression of the game i managed to push or trip every player out there, including the town priest- whom i actually ended up biting, well to be fair he did run into my mouth. it's still decently cold here and were waiting for the day when the river ice breaks free and floats away (apparently this is a big deal here, i'll try and take a photo but it'll probably just be white...) i had to get a police check the other day so i went to the rcmp office, they have three officers here and no actual policemen. i thought they'd be really tough and butch as they have to take charge of this whole town but they're not. Quite simply, i'm pretty sure there was a reason they dispatched these particular officers here and it wasn't because norman wells is crime ridden and these are the men to stop the brutalities. we've now fully moved into our trailer and once i figure out how to fix our camera i'll take some photos. although before i do i believe i should change my name to something more trailer park-y, like betsy-sue or annabelle-may. still avoiding them nordic bears.

across the universe

this marks the official beginning of my second week in norman wells and i already feel like i know this place from the back of my hand. a fact about norman wells: it was formerly a hamlet and just became a village during the 80's, they actually have official documents in the town hall to prove they are now to big to be called a hamlet, this is taken very seriously up here, no joke. so my first full weekend here, what an adventure. on friday we watched the royal wedding, how hot was the queen looking! anyways, that was all good and fun until we decided it was an appropriate time to take a drive up to jackfish lake for some stargazing. this is where the true northern wilderness adventure began as we managed to get the car so stuck on a bed of snow there was no chance we were going to be able to move it. five of us, alone, in the forest, and now its getting late and finally starting to get dark and cold, more or less the makings of a wonderful horror flick with anthony hopkins and someone incredibly sassy staring as me. we got slightly creative, using branches under the tires for traction and the pole end of a rake to try and dig the wheels out but sadly no luck, this continued on for another hour, then another hour and after 2.5hrs we all gave up just in time to see the wildest northern lights one could have ever imagined. waist deep in snow, alone in the wild, on the side of a hill, in darkness. it's strange because it's been so light out until so late here that usually you don't see the northern lights but that night (possibly do to the fact that we were in the middle of no where) they were out in full swing. they came right over our heads so bright and low it seemed like you could actually touch them. they were way cooler than the fox i saw the other day which im pretty sure is the arctic version of a raccoon. it was the most surreal experience ever and for a second there i actually appreciated the arctic, then i remembered how i couldn't move due to the snow and that lurking behind any of these trees a polar bear could be waiting for me and the appreciation vanished as quickly as it came. after this display of brilliance we gave up on freeing the car and walked home luckily avoiding any ferocious wildlife or the arctic version of jack the ripper. other than this northern man vs. wildly stuck car experience nothing too much has changed. there's an incredible amount of static up here and so everywhere i go my hair stands on end like that electricity experiment at the science centre and i get the most painful and loud shocks, possibly to remind you that although you are in the middle of nowhere you are still alive. the other day i was running on the treadmill and went to grab hold of the bar as i was getting really tired, i got the most intense shock, it was as if the treadmill was saying "don't give in you lazy bugger" so i've decided to sign up for a marathon they have here so as to not anger the treadmill again. the best part is that it's called the bearathon marathon (moment for chuckling) and just for competing you get a t-shirt (probably with a bear on it), a medal (also probably with a bear on it), and bbq (fingers crossed it isn't bear meat), now that is my kind of marathon, it's in june so i'll have to start preparing but i won't complain as there isn't THAT much else to do. i must say i'm grateful to be hidden away in NWT after last nights elections as i can promise you harper would NEVER come up here, it's no longer a hamlet after all, and we definitely aren't producing any fighter jets. the polar bear ain't got nothin' on me.

just a small town girl

Well my first week here in Norman Wells is coming to an end and let me tell you it definitely hasn't been lacking in humor. First off 'wing night'... best night ever. It's in this bar they call "big" bar because it's bigger than the only other bar, which I guess they call "small" bar... geniuses. Let's skip right past the fact that the bar floor is carpeted with non other than leopard print carpeting and the walls are lined with taxidermy to the part where the waitress is a petite women with the worst case of googlie eye I've ever seen, you literally cannot tell who this poor women is looking at, so there I am, terrified of offending her, ordering my wings and then cowering in the corner confessing that I am glad I didn't where any leopard print that day. Something I've noticed since I've gotten here is how butch the women here are. I've lately learned to be proud of my height and decent muscle sizes and then I arrived here and am always watching my back as these women could take me out with one swing. I must remember to youtube self defense classes online. I spent three days working for the mayor in which I learned three important facts about him. First, he adopted his students baby and so he's now raising an 8 year old native girl with his partner. He teaches, does community service, marries people, is a coroner and sits on every board or mayor thing ever. Thirdly, he has perfected the art of knowing everything that is happening in town and everything about all the residents and slowly he's teaching me his ways. People here are either extremely kind and wonderful or they are completely off their rockers wacky. The snow is starting to melt, finally, and it's actually not that cold. Ben and I went for a bike ride to the dump (the main attraction of Norman Wells, yes, this is no joke) and we've been on a lot of walks through town (these take about 10 minutes). We also went to the museum, think less like the ROM more like your grandparents attic, but still somewhat interesting. I still find I speak a thousand times faster than everyone and I'm constantly biting my tongue to shut up but I'm hoping that will happen in time. I must share this, as I nearly peed myself when this occurred. A man came into the store today, he looked to be about 18 or so and of first nations decent, he wanted to buy his mother a mothers day present and so I offered him my two cents about candles and soaps and after about half an hour of browsing he came to the cash with the largest figurine of Christ's Last Supper I have ever seen, it was roughly the size of a very fat 3 year old. This is what he chose for his mother, and I pictured the look on my mother's face if I had chosen such a gift and couldn't help but contain my smile as the man paid $200 for Christ and his Disciples. These are the things one thinks about while living in solitude in Norman Wells. Hopefully this weekend will be as wild as the Royal Wedding only a little less Elton John and a little more Atanarjuat the fast runner. In case you were worried, I'm still alive.

the eagle has landed

Arrived safe and sound in Norman Wells and finally beginning to settle in. Frequent panic attacks at the beginning as I was continually reminded of how isolated it is here, but as the days go on the panic flashes are less and less and i'm growing more and more comfortable with this new arctic mentality. So far the strangest thing is how SLOW everything is here. When you do actually see another human being it takes twenty minutes just to get a five seconds conversation over with which has been quite difficult to get the hang of as my mind is racing as quick as the cars on the 401 and my mouth is moving like roadrunner. Luckily Ben still speaks at my tempo so when I'm going crazy from the slowness I can chat with him. Another thing is the lack of shower water. I never thought I would be complaining about that seeing as I used to compete to see how long I could go without showering at camp but it's dusty and trailerpark-y here and showering would make me as happy as a baby with cake. We spent easter sunday having dinner with some of Ben's work friends (one of his friends bottles his own champagne which i may try and do myself this summer, i've already started thinking up names for it but nothing too fabulous yet). It stays bright out here until past 11pm which is pretty wacky but luckily our blinds are darker than darth vader. we went out for dinner last night to "the cabin" to celebrate our 4 year anniversary and we were more or less the only ones in the restaurant, this apparently is EXTREMELY common. Our waitress does work at the school and she was saying they always need extra help there so I'll being putting my name on the substitute teacher list to try and pick up some shifts and make some extra money. I'm spending my first three days working with the mayor (yes the mayor of norman wells is my first friend here haha) he's this wildly eccentric old man with a cane and incredible taste in ties. Anyways he needs helping managing his store so I'm store manager haha, if only promotions were this easy to come by in Toronto. It's super relaxing and slow (as is everything in this town) I've only had 3 customers so far and the day is half over. Tonight is 'wing night' which apparently is a big deal here so i'll be sure to let you all know how that goes. it's been surprisingly warm here and the days are getting longer and longer which is exciting. Okay, I'm off to pretend to have something to do and by that i mean go back to the insane snails pace of the wells. tell the streetcars i miss them. still yet to be devoured.